It is a straightforward three-step process for counseling. This process is for people who come to you for help with a problem or wanting to talk about something. It is for the 'normal neurotics like you and me" but not intended for dealing with those suffering from serious psychiatric issues.
It is not a way to give advice (a trap for any counseling approach). If you follow this strategy, you'll be safe and likely do a lot of good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening is the act of knowing the meaning of the text and the emotions that accompany it.
Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.
Don't make statements that determines the problem or of the other party's feelings. Instead, ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". Not, "The issue is . . ." but instead, "You think the problem is . . ." or "The method you think of it . . . ". At this stage it may suffice to be able to say "uh-huh" or shake your head.
This stage ends when the person begins talking about the root of the issue. You will know you have done well when you get the agreement of the root of the problem and what the person feels about it.
Stage Two Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
When the person talking to you is able to hear them, they'll move on to deeper things. In this moment, you are able to start asking exploratory questions. Inquiring if they've had this experience before. What have they attempted to do in similar situations, whether it worked or not; Whether there are other thoughts and feelings that are happening for them. You can, if you are able to clearly observe something, offer observations of what you are seeing. Examples include, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. Even here it is probably more appropriate to ask questions rather than make statements.
The critical issue at this stage is to stay connected to their feelings in the way they are feeling them.
If you're unable to handle this, tell them and don't make it appear like it. It could be something like, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They'll appreciate it more than acting like it (and they'll know for sure if you are just pretending).
This phase is finished when the issue is seen differently and a different perspective is achieved.
Stage Three: Trying Different Things
When they begin to see things differently, they may begin to think about things differently, or at least make plans to.
The temptation when anyone is contacting you with an issue is to try and jump into this situation quickly. This is a mistake. What is needed is time to explore what is happening and to look at it from a different perspective.
At this point, you are able to offer suggestions on what has worked for you.
Do not get caught up in playing "Yes, but . . . Teen Counseling Articles ".
If they give reasons why your suggestions won't work Do not be a defender. Instead, inquire about what they have tried, why it didn't work, and what they can do differently this time.
You may want to organize that they can check in with you so you can keep track of how they are doing with their new approach to working.
This stage ends when they try out new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behaviour they wish to test with other people.
The process is largely about listening.
The other person is always aware more about their own circumstances than you do.
Don't give any advice on what to do. In the final stage, you might want to share what you have learned from your experience when you've had to deal with a similar issue yourself.
With a bit of practice, you'll be able to become proficient fast at this skill. You might end up being one of those people who people seek advice'. So long as you adhere to this procedure and don't give advice, you will do lots of good and aid many people.